My eyes well up with tears.
How many days turned to months turned to years
will I kneel and weep
pressing my hands to my empty womb
rocking on my heels?
Pleading with cruel fate
“send me a living child?”
My womb weeps bright blood tears
as I feel my youth slip away
Moon after moon
cycle after cycle
month after month
year after long year
My grief feels indescribable
mourning a child conceived and lost
conceived and lost again
Now, not yet conceived
only wished for, dreamed of, prayed for.
Moon months, cycle songs, lovemaking, babylonging.
These are the things that define my womanhood
Six excruciating years of eternal emptiness
years defined by the Moon
By hope and by tears
Really feeling like I cannot do anything right. I left my teaching job last school year for several reasons. Bottom line, I just wasn’t happy. It seemed no matter what I did to try and make it better I only ended up two steps back from where I started. It took about about three or four years to decide to finally leave. Now, I feel like an utter failure. Some say, “You’re so brave!” I suppose they are referring to the fact that I’m searching for happiness. While I feel incredibly lucky to have this opportunity, I can’t help but think, “You just couldn’t hack it.” I really don’t know how people stay in public education for 30 plus years.
Anyway, now I feel … lost. I have no profession, no career, and no child… still…. no child. Not even a glimpse or glimmer. Is there hope? I keep telling myself there’s always hope. It’s hard though when your partner has given up and clearly states he has no hope. What then? Am I in this alone? Why should I keep trying? Bleh… this rambling is useless.
Olá! Today we’re launching Tumblr’s official Brazilian Staff Blog while we finish polishing our upcoming Brazilian Portuguese localization. We haven’t forgotten our users in Portugal, either — Tumblr’s official Portuguese Staff Blog also just launched, and we’ve got a European Portuguese version of our interface on the way too. Em breve teremos mais novidades! / Fiquem atentos às próximas novidades!
It’s okay. Just breathe. Life is a series of waves and circles. The only constant is change. The only constant is change. The only constant is change. The only constant is change. The only constant is change. The only constant is change. The only constant is change. The only constant is change. The only constant is change. The only constant is change.
Post with 1 note
I just got a call from my best friend telling me she’s pregnant. I really, honestly couldn’t be happier! However this news also triggers the roller coaster of emotions and questions that fill my brain. They were only trying for less than a year. How lucky. I really don’t like the idea of a pity party but I can’t help but feel frustrated and confused. I love her and her husband dearly and hope their journey is a happy and successful one!
Page 1 of 3